Saying "No" Is Virtue

The Difficulty of Saying No:

In my opinion, "being able to say no is a virtue!" A thinker says on this subject, "In order to know the value of the good, it is necessary to suffer the yes."

It is undoubtedly a sociological reality that saying "No" is as important as saying "Yes". The most precious thing in our age is time. Time is very precious to each of us. Saying 'Yes' to someone often means doing something in return, fulfilling a request, spending time on someone else.

As a being who thinks, reads and writes, most importantly, acts with his mind, and distinguishes right from wrong and wrong, from time to time we have to reject some requests and say "no" to the other person, albeit unintentionally. But as we all know, saying “no” is not as easy as saying “yes”. For this reason, unfortunately, many of us often have to submit to the consequences of not being able to say "no". I will try to explain why we have difficulty in saying "no", the reasons and how we can say "no" as much as I can.

If saying no is a sociological reality, it is undeniable that the issue also has a psychological dimension. So why is it so hard to say "No"? If we want to say “no” but have difficulty, we can start by analyzing why it is difficult for us. Even though everyone's character structure and approach to relationships are different, when we think in general, it is not easy to reject a person, especially a person we know, know, love and respect. Saying no is harder than saying yes. Especially if we have a benevolent personality, it may not be very likely for us to turn down the requester.

In addition, every person wants the people he loves and respects to have similar feelings and thoughts about himself. But the possibility that rejection can damage relationships makes the option of saying "no" out of reach. When we can't give the right answer (that is, say no), what awaits us is a compulsive request and increased workload. Another reason why we can't say "no" is because we think we're going to look rude. Our assumptions, which we have or have been taught since childhood, that the word "no" causes rude and negative connotations, can put us under an unnecessary additional burden. If you are experiencing some of the things we have mentioned in this paragraph, let's discuss how we can say "no" together.

You must be "outspoken"!

Instead of using "I don't think" or "maybe", you should give your answer clearly. You should make sure that the person who asks you a question or makes a request clearly understands your view on this matter, and you should not allow the question to be asked again with interim answers. For example: phrases like “maybe later” or “we'll see”; It will feed the hope of the person making the request and will cause you to come back with the same demands at different times. I would like to talk about myself a little here, although it is not my area of ​​expertise, what I have written so far are the indisputable facts of psychological and intellectual truths in my opinion. But when I look at my balances in life, I have to admit to you that my yeses are more than my nos. Courtesy, grace and harmony of speaking style are very important in a matter that you can say no to or think you should. Giving a short but satisfying explanation to your interlocutor as to why you said "no" is a sign of social etiquette and a strong personality. It's polite. Saying no does not mean being hostile. If you say no today, the conditions will be better tomorrow, you can say yes. The person in front of you should hear something from you and see your sincerity enough to accept this with understanding.

Our explanation will allow the other person to understand why we say “no” to him/her so that he/she can empathize with us. The explanation should be brief, and a simple and polite statement is sufficient, rather than a complex answer as to why "no" is said. For example; It can be said, "I can't find enough time right now, I have to focus on my other priorities".

Being busy will be a valid reason to say “no”. The requester will understand that he has to postpone his request to a later date. In fact, if the conditions allow, it will be an indicator of your candor if you say what you are working on in order to explain the tightness of your schedule.

Saying 'no' in business life:

Being able to say no in business life is undoubtedly a very polite matter compared to our relationships in our social life. If it is not managed well, it can put the employee in trouble at work, cause him to fall out with his manager, be exposed to different performance evaluations, and in some cases even be terminated.

How can you say “no” to your manager without saying “no”? To achieve this, to manage with kindness, to manage your manager is not as easy as it sounds. This is understandable. Considering the intense flow in the workplace, your manager may tell you to undertake more than one task. However, if you think that these tasks are more than you can handle and you think that you cannot complete the ongoing projects and works at the desired time, maybe you can try an approach like this: “I will finish the works A, B and C. But I need four weeks instead of three to get a satisfactory result. Also, in what order of priority would you like me to complete these tasks in the process?”

You may want to help people. But an interruption while you're in the middle of a project can disrupt your focus, reduce your productivity, and disrupt your work. If you want to support your manager or colleague no matter what, you can suggest a suitable timeline. For example; “Can we talk in a few hours or a few days?” A phrase like this may be a polite “no” for the moment, but it is meaningful in that it shows that you will support, even if not immediately. If nothing else, it prevents you from pulling the lightning on you for nothing.

Why should we say "No"?

In an ideal world, we want to say “yes” to everyone. But being able to say “no” is important for many reasons. We have to say “no” to manage our time. The truth is that our time is limited. In order to complete our work, we have to say “no” if necessary.

Setting Boundaries, Making Space for Ourselves:

We have to say “no” to set our personal boundaries. When a line is not drawn between our own needs and the needs of others, those around us will always insist on what they want. When we say “no”, we can show our boundaries and protect our personal space.

Realizing Our Goals:

We have to say “no” to make time for our personal goals. Because we will need our own time to achieve our goals. It will not be possible to achieve our own goals if we devote time to the wishes of others without limits.

Being happy:

To be happy, we must say "no". Being in control of our lives and being able to decide what to include or not include in our day will provide us with great comfort and happiness.

Conclusion:

Saying “no” is definitely not an easy thing to do. But once you master it, you will find that life is less stressful for you. You will find that you can focus more on the things that truly matter to you, and you will be able to organize your personal life in a way that makes you feel better. You don't need to feel guilty about saying "no". Saying “no” does not mean being rude. Rather, it means taking an open stance about your potential and what you can accomplish. It is a requirement of civilization, of being a civilized person. Rather than saying yes and not doing it, isn't it a better method to say no from the very beginning and pave the way for your interlocutor to develop another solution style? Also being able to say no; it's about taking care of your own time, energy, and mental health, being respectful of your own priorities.

Due to our cultural codes, most of us have not attained the virtue of being able to say no. We appreciate anyone who can say no, but when it comes to ourselves, we're not very good at it. I wish all of us to evolve into an understanding in which we do not miss the virtue of saying no when necessary, without losing ourselves to the ease of saying yes.