Agenda in Absurdistan

Sometimes life gives us strange surprises. We can see that things we think are real are dreams, and we can witness that things we think are dreams are real. I experienced such a moment when I told my friend about my Absurdistan dream. When my friend told me that there really is such a country, I was surprised at first, and then I felt a great desire to get to know and watch this interesting country more closely. I immediately made my travel plans and preparations and set off. Before setting off, I never forgot my friend's warning. My friend told me the following; "The agenda changes very quickly in Absurdistan. Scandals that would bring down governments in other countries are considered to be a common occurrence in this country and are quickly forgotten. Don't get too caught up in the agenda, you may lose your mental health".

AHY (Absurd Airlines) was a world-renowned airline. However, there are various rumours about the size of the managers of this world-wide company. At a time when privatisation was all the rage in the world, the leaders of Absurdistan set up an organisation called the Beautification Administration to carry out privatisation, on the grounds that privatisation makes someone beautiful. This administration offered less than 50 per cent of the shares of AHY for sale on the stock exchange. However, the remaining 49% of the shares have been used by the absurd governments as their backyard. It was rumoured that some government officials kept passengers waiting on AHY flights, treated the company as if it were their father's company, and even went up to the prime minister of the country and asked "Will you build the plane on me?". 

Absurdistan has strange customs. It was even reported in the press that one of the managers of AHY slaughtered a camel on the apron, saying, "Since my honourable majesty has given me the opportunity to swallow the camel with its carrot, let me celebrate it with a camel". Having seized political power, the Absurd Flight Party (AUP) and its charismatic leader Şendoğan saw no harm in appointing people with loyalty and love for them to this world-class company. These people, who had no qualifications other than their loyalty and love for the Prime Minister, were stressed when they suddenly became managers of the huge company. In return for this stress, they were given the salary that an average Absurd pensioner could earn in more than ten years as a monthly attendance fee. 

In the last elections, the AUP, which had won every election for more than 20 years, lost first place to the Absurd People's Party (AHP). Here one political reality of Absurdistan was being reaffirmed by every leader. Even the defeated parties considered themselves successful. There is even a saying: "In Absurdistan politics there are no failed politicians, there are voters who send a message". Instead of confronting reality, every leader was writing success stories, talking about the message of the people and interpreting it in his own way. In the meantime, when the microphone was handed to the citizens on the street, the people could give the message more directly and sincerely. One Absurd citizen I watched on social media was shouting "You've fucked our mother!". It was also reported in the media that the tender for chilli peppers to be put into the mouths of citizens for such situations was being held at increasing rates every year. 

In fact, although it was possible to make much more objective assessments of the election results, politicians, out of fear of losing their positions, preferred to express issues that the public could simply understand with pompous words. There was a concrete fact: the economy was not doing well. The average wage was falling, while pensions were being slashed, blamed on inflation. The purchasing power of everyone in the country, including the labourers, who were trying to make a living with a certain wage, had fallen. As a result of the erroneous policies of the twenty-year government, food prices, which were decreasing in the world, were increasing in Absurdistan. Imports, which the rulers saw as a solution, only benefited the business people who imported and prayed to Shendogan morning and evening. 

For twenty years, the AUP had exploited the people's devotion to the religion of Khotism and lived a life of vulgar opulence, almost completely cut off from the people. Luxury cars, luxury venues, luxury parties, and the fact that a member of parliament ate lobster on a foreign trip and shared it on social media caused great reactions from the public. Even the voters who voted for the AUP were not concerned about the act, but the fact that it was shared. No one had any idea what MPs did to deserve such high salaries. Moreover, when the head of Hotin (equivalent to the head of Religious Affairs in our country), with a sword in his hand, spoke in a place of worship that poverty was the highest honour, the audience could not hold back their tears. What was this lobster when the public believed that the deputies were heavenly in this sense? Why was tarhana soup not enough for him? The deputy could have had the lofty and important task of introducing lobster to the people of Absurdistan. But all this disappeared without discussion in the shadow of the vulgarity of the action. 

As far as Shendogan was concerned, there were many reasons for the loss of the election, but as a typical Absurdist politician, he chose to interpret the people's message in his own way instead of accepting failure and reflecting on what he had done wrong. While all this was going on, cold winds were blowing between Tarlalı and Şendoğan, who was almost working as Şendoğan's minister of insult affairs. When Tarlalı posted a video of himself walking alone to arabesque music on social media, the country's scientific and media experts tried to interpret this message. The interpretation of the message was as arabesque as the message itself, but it was in line with the sentiment of the Absurd people. 

When the AHP started to take over the municipalities it had won in the elections, something else happened. It was revealed how the AUP executives, whom the people had always regarded as being devoted to the religion of Hotism to death, were organising a life of pomp and luxury with the people's money. Of course, the people, who had always experienced every emotion in extremes, had the ignorance to marvel at this. Shouldn't the AUP executives, who were burning to serve their people, have bathed in a jacuzzi after all that burning and sweating? It was as if the AHP leaders were also exaggerating a bit. Were the AUP people going to walk around with their sticky hands after holding honey, of course not. They did what had to be done and licked their sticky hands. What could be more humane than that? Was it for nothing that Absurdistan had already developed a set of moral maxims that you cannot find in any other nation in the world? "The state's property is the sea, whoever doesn't eat it is a pig" was one of them. Morality did not feed the stomach, but it was possible to feed seven generations with orphans' rights. As long as it was the politician's own family.

After the elections, something else happened that was not common before. It was revealed that a political meeting was planned between Şendoğan and Tüzel, the leader of the AHP, which emerged as the first party in the elections, beyond a courtesy visit. As I said, since the Absurd people are prone to live everything in extremes, special importance was attached to this meeting. In reality, however, what really happened was an effort to ensure that the branch that the economy, which is in a bad and fragile state, clings to remain green in order to prevent it from tumbling down the cliff. Otherwise, would it be forty years old Kani? The search for a magic wand that would eradicate all the mistakes made in politics in one stroke was also on the agenda of Swiss scientists, but they were waiting for the work on the toothbrush to be completed. 

I have a confession to make, I'm very enamoured with this Absurdistan. There's a lot of action here. Every day I am surprised to realise, "No way!" From the outside it looks like a lot of fun to me, but the Absurd people don't think like me. They are very tense and have a high potential to start unnecessary fights anywhere and anytime. I think I will extend my research and analyses here a little longer, and maybe I will have the opportunity to contribute some very different experiences to the world political science literature. I switch off my computer for now. The policeman in the corner is giving me a dirty look. I felt a slight chill. Stay safe, stay in love...